old people are fucking weird

so i work in a retail store, we're kinda like a michael's or holly hobby. we mostly get old people and college students. but mostly old people. so on what i determine was an average day, i have the worst thing happen ever.

some old lady farted on my hand. and she didn't even know.

well lemme set the situation up for you.

our bathroom has three stalls, the last one being the handicap one. the sinks are against the left wall, and for some reason (oh yeah people complained it was too high) the paper towel holder was set way low, about two feet in front of the sink closest to the first stall. so in order to get paper towels when washing at the second sink, you would have to reach around and down behind the person at the far sink to get them.

so i did my business, was washing my hands, and a very elderly old woman came up beside me (to my right) and began washing her decrepit, gnarled claws. i finish, and reach behind her for the towels. as my hand passes her wrinkly derriere, she lets out the juciest, stinkiest fart. RIGHT ON MY HAND. I FELT THE AIR HITTING IT.

holy shit, dude, i was freaking out silently, and happened to catch her eye in the mirror. SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SHE HAD FARTED. i quickly washed my hands, again, and wiped my hands on my pants, and left the bathroom before her.

what do you even say to that? "oh excuse me, you farted on my hand, what the hell, old lady?"

or maybe, "dude, you should never go out in public. how can you not know you just farted on a stranger!"

sigh. sometimes i hate my life.

to make it worse, i called my bf and told him. he put me on speakerphone (without me knowing) and had me repeat it to all of his co-workers. they all were laughing.