so i found one of my old punk rock compilation cds.
it brings back fond memories of days gone past, and summers and winters that were fever bright compared to the dull grey light of today.
the times i spent couch surfing so i wouldn't have to drive up again that same night to see a band, strange showers, using other people's shampoo (and filling it with water so they wouldn't notice), waking up and wondering if this is actually my shirt, flipping off the assholes who went to bed early.
considering putting a litter box in my car so i wouldn't have to come home to take care of captain, always having a toothbrush in my purse, even if i had to brush my teeth with leftover beer. meeting all sorts of intresting and cute lead singers and drummers, flirting shamelessly, and then bidding goodbye when they went to a different house party than me.
going to work to get money for rent for a place i barely lived in. keeping extra clothes in my car, and during the summer, a bathing suit, cause you never knew who had access to a pool and hoping your fence climbing skills were good. looking around you and seeing people smiling, drunk, fighting, making out, playing on a kid's drum set someone had found, telling each other that they should collaborate on the next cd.
putting names in your phone like "that one chick with the dog" and "cute drummer guy mexican", or the "that lead singer didn't do it w him" or something like that. people looking up when i came into a room, and high fiving me. not needing red bull or even food as long as there was beer and some kind of pizza leftovers.
seeing how many 99 cent red lipstick shades i could buy at walgreens. ha dodging my landlord. lying to the old men. getting tattoos. getting a discount cause you brought the guy cake everyday and wanted the tat just how he drew it.
screaming like a baby. not remembering the one guy's name, but being best friends with his gf, and getting her super drunk. fighting with my old gay upstairs neighbor. thinking no one should be up before noon. crashing in my bed while people watched tv in the same room.
gettinng up at four, driving down to the bar so i'd have time to drink before i had to work at seven. hating all the stupid makeup i had to wear. becoming used to nakedness and women. no catfights cause i straight didn't care as long as the vodka and red bulls kept coming. funny money. that one time i made 1400 in one night, and blowing most of it buying everyone drinks.
trusting everyone and believing that this could go on forever. this dream of what all those punk songs talked about. being free to do what i wanted, be with whoever, no consequences, no thought to tomorrow. spinning around and around in my head, full of beer and fun and hoping that one day that everything had to stop was far away.
raising my fist. here's to the past.