i hate retail

inside the mind of a customer

Oh man, I've got to hurry up, it's ten minutes to close and I need A LOT of stuff! Okay, grab a cart, lessee...OOO sales? Yes! I mean, I don't really need that, but I'm crafty I'll do something with it. Lemme get twenty just in case.

Wow, this store is big, I'd better take it nice and slow so I don't miss anything.I wonder why that worker asked me if I need any help? Of course I do! But I told her no and then she walked away. Jeez, what bad service. I guess I'll just have to wander around till I find what I'm looking for.

Hey, there's a dollar aisle? Oh man, that stuff is sooo cheap! I'll do something with it, I'm crafty. Now, I know I had a list somewhere, that looks like what I might need, I'll get some of that, and that. What? ANOTHER worker asks me for help? I wish you asked me five minutes ago. Wait...I say, "Hey do you have that one thing I saw here a year ago? It was red, and I thought it was back here." Why are they looking at me like that? Don't they know what I'm talking about? I described it. They said they don't think they have it. Of course. I give her a dirty look and walk away. Oh wait, that thing was in another store. Oh, well.

What was that on the intercom? Something..something...five minutes...close? I don't know. They'll stay open for me. I'm the CUSTOMER. Oh, I need that. I think. Oh great, where is everyone? Now I've gotta go up front and ask a question. Wow, they look really happy to see me up front! I ask the worker behind the service desk where that one thing is. Aw, she looks sad. She says it's aisle 25. Oh, back where I was at in the back of the store. I knew that. I tell her it'll just be a minute. It's not like they're doing anything else.

Hm, I pick up some more stuff on my way back. What aisle did she say? 22? Let's go down there. WHAT??? That's not what I'm looking for! Don't these people know every single item in the store and it's location? AREN'T THEY PAID TO DO THAT? Jeez. Oh, what was that on the intercom? Closing? They can't be closing, I'm still shopping! I'm the CUSTOMER!

Oh here's another worker. She tells me that the store is closed, and I have to go check out. Fine, fine, I'll just come back tomorrow morning and wait in the parking lot for half an hour cause they never open early for me.

What bad service! Okay, up and register...why is she taking so long? I only have a cartful of random stuff! I try to help her by piling all of my stuff on the counter. Why is my stuff falling on the floor? Oh, the counter's only four feet long, they need bigger counters then! I'll just make a teetering pile of my stuff.

Okay, IT'S HOW MUCH?!?! No, that's not right, you rang up things wrong. The computer added things up wrong. I don't trust computers. I'm good at math. Well, let's just go through every item again, I'll just dump the bags back out on the counter. THIS time I'll pay attention to every item and argue the price. Oh, I guess the computer was right.

I wonder why the cashier has a big vein in her forehead. Wow, that's throbbing. What is she asking me? Oh, for payment. Well, here's my credit card. I.D?!?!??! What the hell? Why do I need an I.D? Oh, it's not signed? Okay. Let me spend ten minutes looking through my purse...oh, I remember. It's in my car. I never keep it on me. It's a photo I.D. what do I need that for? Fine, fine, I'll go get it.

Ugh, it's cold out. I'll just walk really slow to conserve my heat. In the car now, lesse...oh there it is. I get back to the store. Wow, that vein is really pulsing now. She should go see a doctor. I sign the recipt, she gives me mine, back outside again. God, it's cold. Wow, I wonder if that store knows they've got someone screaming in anger in there. Maybe its just the wind.

Ah, all my stuff is loaded, I'll just leave the cart behind this car, it's too cold to walk the five feet to the cart corral. As I'm pulling away, oh hey, there's my cashier...oh, I guess I put that cart behind her car, wow, it sounds like she's really screaming!

Oh well, maybe it's just the wind. I'll be back tomorrow to return half of this stuff anyways cause I don't know what to do with it. I'll be at the store at eight-thirty, I think they open at nine, but it's okay, cause I'm the CUSTOMER.

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