ah jeez

I was dating this one guy, let's call him Red. Now Red wasn't that attractive, and frankly, he was a raging alcoholic, and treated me like crap. But I was young, and he could be very funny and charming when he wasn't raging drunk.

Our sex life was at best, mediocre, mostly because he lived with his Grandma, and anything we were able to do would have to be done very quietly. I lived with my parents at the time, so sometimes we would sneak into my house and make out, eat food, have sex, etc.

Well this one incident happened towards the tail end of our six month relationship. As usual, we had snuck into my house after drinking, and I was giving him a blowjob whilst he was sitting on the couch. I was going at it with my usual drunken enthusiasm, when suddenly...FFFTTTTPPPPTTTT! Right in my face, accompanied by a horrible smell.

That's right. He farted in my face while I was giving him a bj. His excuse? "I was relaxed."

Sigh.

This is the same boy who, at the end up our relationship, explained why HE was breaking up with ME (I still argue it was mutal). "Well, see, you're the hottest girl I've ever been with, and other girls see me with you. So I figure if I break up with you I can get someone hotter."

My parting line? "You know why I'm breaking up with you? You're fucking crazy."