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To the People Who Should Not Be Allowed To Use the Bathroom Alone


Sigh. I know when I got this job, there was nothing on it about cleaning our restrooms. But like many employees, I am a multi-tasker. Mostly because I get the shit list from my managers and have to do it.

So here's a list of People Who Should Not Be Allowed To Use the Bathroom Alone.

-Children. I know you want your five year old to learn to use the potty without mommy's help, but this isn't the time. Public restrooms are dirty, filthy germ magnets (no matter how often they are cleaned), and your child is touching every available surface. They cannot pee in the toilet, but all over the seat and floor, they take FOREVER because mostly they play around in there. I can't count how many times I've had to plunge the toilets cause your precious darling used half a roll of industrial toilet paper. Oh that's right, let them in there by themselves. YOU ASS.

-Old People...REALLY SENILE OLD PEOPLE. I'm sorry you're old. I really am. But especially to that one ol lady that I thought had died in the handicap stall, dude, you should have a helper. Your daughter was out shopping the whole TWO HOURS you were in the stall!!!! I finally had to come in there, mostly because customers were coming out complaining about the stink. Knocking on the stall, you had thankfully managed to get your pants up, BUT COULDN"T FIGURE OUT THE HANDLE TO GET OUT. FOR TWO HOURS. I let you out, and escorted you out. I then made the mistake of going back in to look at the stall. OH DEAR GOD. There is exploded shit everywhere. Smeared all over the seat, on the handrails, on the toilet paper dispenser, and on the doorhandle. All of which I had to clean.

-Mentally Slow People. Listen, I know that might not be PC, but seriously. If you need handlers to even go in a store and look around, you prolly need handlers when you take a shit. I can't really get mad at you cause maybe you don't know better, but ew dude. I don't wanna walk in a bathroom covered in shit and oh hey, there's a smiley face drawn in shit on the wall. Where's your fucking handler? I should make them come in here and clean it up.

-Fat People. Take a shit at home. Seriously. You are the worst toilet cloggers ever. I know, I know, those gallons of velveeta coursing their way from your stomach to your asshole can't feel good, but do that at home. Ugh. It's like if I entered the poop lotto, I would've won the grand prize plus powerball. You don't do that to your own toilet do you??

All this from your once again, FRIENDLY CASHIER.