Hey, Smelly Guy at My Job, I just wanted you to know that whatever you're doing, it's working.

Maybe it was the smell of rotten cheese and b.o. that wafted up my nose when you walked by, or the fact that you are an immense human being, but damn, that was sexy. Maybe Maxim tells you not to bother wearing clean clothes around women, or even in public. It works.

The pit-stained t-shirt that was too small to cover your grotesque stomach or the sweatpants that had large holes on your left side ass cheek was something sooo right my panties totally got wet.

I like how I could see your fat hairy ass through the pants holes, and the fact that you were subtly advertising the fact that you weren't wearing any underwear. The old sneakers and no socks trick was just making me want to beg you for some lovin'. I know, I know, it's hard to be so fat and walk upright, so I like how you were using my store's carts to lean your man tits on for easier walking.

I licked the hand bar of the cart when you waddled and wheezed out of the front doors, leaving that precious cart you used behind, much like my heart. Sigh.

No man will ever best you in my mind, you have ruined me for any relationship I might have. Sigh, I wish you could come in again, for that smell is the only thing now that I look forward to.

Love, That Cashier That Was Making Gagging Sounds Behind You